Heroes in romance novels always say and do the right thing. They're perfectly dressed, and if they aren't it's sexy anyway. Every other woman on the planet wants to be you as you sashay around town on his arm while he looks at no other boobs but yours. And whenever you need him he miraculously appears with a bottomless supply of strength and patience topped off with what must be either stellar credit or a serious trust fund.
So why can't real guys be like the heroes we novelists are always creating?
Because real guys don't follow a script. They don't do what you want or say what you want because they have brains all their own that don't seem to function in any semblance of sense. They talk when they should be silent and then clam up when you want to talk. Their personal habits rival those of some zoo animals and sometimes the diet of hamburgers and taco salads results in an increase in pants size.
In fact, some marriage counselors believe that romance novels are doing damage to women's sense of reality. They claim that women are unable to accept the the shortcomings of real life men because they constantly feed their brains images of perfect heroes doing heroic deeds and never screwing up when they separate the laundry or fold the towels.
I think women deserve a little more credit than that.
We aren't deluded. We know our guys will never be hot vampires or sexy werewolves. We know they aren't cowboys or time traveling knights and lords. Most of the time they don't even qualify as the cute guy next door type. And really, most of us probably don't even wish that they were.
Because they are our guys starring in our stories. And since life is really just what you make of it, why not pull out your favorite hot romance novel and read a few of the spicier excerpts to your guy and see if he doesn't put down the sandwich and become a hero.